It takes just a seed for a garden to grow. It takes just a
smile to develop a friendship. And as I learned just a year ago, it takes just
one dog to change your life…
I remember when we met and it was love at first sight. My
sister was having a yard sale and I came over to her house to help and hopefully
unload some way too small jeans and bad shirt choices. Her daughter in law had
just gotten a puppy for the grand kids and she had him there when I arrived. I
don’t think I had ever seen something so tiny…he was so small he had to be in a
ferret harness..instead of a collar…I picked him up, held him, and when he peed
on my hand I knew it was true love. Uncharacteristically for me, I begged to
have him..I wasn’t normally one to plead but there was something about the
As luck would have it, my sister ended up with him after all
and one day when I was at her house helping to paint, I found out she was
taking care of him until they could figure out a plan…with three dogs already,
a small Morkie was still too much for them to handle… I asked if he could come
out and keep me company while I painted the front door and when I looked down
and he looked up simultaneously , I realized I had found my dog, and he had
found his person.
I brought him home for Christmas and suddenly the house
became a home and the people became a family.
We were worried about how Bijoux would react but we soon
realized that SHE realized she outweighed him by 16 lbs so the pecking order
was quickly established.
Big brown eyes, long silver and grey white hair and a smile,
he became the symbol of everything that was good in the world, because at the
end of the day, he was so good. I had never seen a dog that was so happy all of
the time..every time we came home, his separation anxiety was profoundly
apparent as he ran from one to the other jumping , tail wagging, panting ..and
if he could speak we just knew he was saying, “where have you been guys, I
missed you!!!!” .
A change came over me…I can’t pin point for you when it
actually happened..it was as subtle as a warm summer breeze..but all of my
focus was on him, my needs didn’t matter so much…I bathed him every week, made
sure after 4 tries that we found the perfect food for him, walked him in no
makeup, my hair pulled up in a clip and my rain coat over my bathrobe, and
anyone that knows me knows I don’t go walking, much less out in the cold or the
rain for anybody..but for him I would have done anything. I held him like a
baby in my arms, smiled when I felt his tiny but warm body sneak under the
covers to spoon with me in bed and every day was filled with the joy of knowing
the universe smiled upon me and gave me the most amazing gift of all….someone
to love who loved me unconditionally.
Then of course there were the clothes. He knew how to get
dressed and man could he wear it well. The only time he balked was when I made
the error of trying to dress him in a Tweed coat that had a Chanel twist. I
guess I really wanted it for myself…still he looked good in it even for a few
seconds before he pleaded with me with those eyes to take it off.
If you read the last blog I wrote, he taught me to “go left”
one of the biggest lessons I have ever learned, and he taught me that chasing a
chew toy could be immensely fun, the air through your hair as you took an
evening walk was a precious commodity and that tail wagging was a must.
In short, he taught
me the most valuable lesson of all, that it was ok to be me, because with him…I
was my most goofiest self…I loved with all of my heart and kept hoping for
years and years to show him how much he was cherished…he was the child I never
had, the friend that never let me down, and the love that was so true.
He was Jackson, he was my dog, he was my best friend.
- Kim Thore April, 2011
14 Inches, 7 days, 30 mins.
I have never been great at math, not naturally anyway…I was
always in the advanced classes and it always annoyed the hell out of me that I
actually had to put effort into making an A ..so it seems kind of funny that
most of my adulthood has been spent dealing with numbers. I’ve been a Vice
President with a Bank, a Six Sigma
Process Improvement Expert and a Marketer
but it wasn’t until this week that I realized how much one number could
change your life.
You have by now probably seen or heard about Jackson, the
wonder morkie , the love, the best friend.
For seven days I have cried, so much so that I think I have
discovered a new diet..water weight my ass, apparently you can shed a few inches
by shedding a lot of tears. I haven’t slept through the night and eating is
only what I do so I can have some energy to focus on my goal of getting
Jackson’s Law passed. Who knew I might become so involved in Politics? Although
I must admit I can crank a tweed suit when needed.
Grieving is never easy, but this, THIS has been profound. In
so many ways.
I have awakened thinking I hear Jackson jingling down the
hallway it’s always at 3:20 am, we
kind of overtagged the poor guy, thinking that if he ever got away from us,
three dog tags would be waaaay better than one to ensure his safe return
home…every time I awake I have to remind myself that he won’t be in his doggie
bed looking up at me, when I come home I still look down when I open the door
thinking he will be there with his silly grin saying hi mom and dancing on his
hind legs to show off for a walkie. ..and as I was laying on the couch the
other night the space behind my legs that used to be filled by Jackson was
ginormous…who knew that something that was so tiny filled 1100 square feet completely?
I tried to do the math, but none of the equations I knew
worked. Our condo is filled with furniture, paintings, shoes, hats, cds, and yet…it
is completely empty. I then realized
that maybe Sir Isaac Newton was right when he wrote Newton's postulate that “an
invisible force was able to act over vast distances”..I can’t see Jackson
physically but his gravitational attraction is palpable.
When I went into Jackson’s facebook page it finally all made
sense, thanks Zuckerberg for that…bad hair, great social network concept. There
were 50+ friend requests and as many
messages from all over the country…people I didn’t know ..who were expressing
their condolences, telling me what they had been through, offering support for
Jackson’s Law, asking me to please keep his page up in his memory..I answered
every email, accepted every friend request and as the tears streamed down my
face the math equation I had been searching for to make any of this make sense
finally came to me.
+ Life= Love x People/Jackson= More Love
Jackson was 5lbs, 8 inches tall and 14 inches long (including his puffy
tail) and yet he embodied all that was good, kind, loving and happy in that
tiny package. I never knew that all it would take was 30 minutes for him to be
taken away, but I also never knew the impact he had on people’s lives daily. I
thought Jon and I were the only crazy people to be so much in love with
him..not so…an elderly neighbor whom I saw every now and then emailed me that
she used to get joy by watching Jackson prance by her window because she
couldn’t get around like he could and it seemed that through his skinny little
legs she could run and explore too.
Poor Jackson probably suffered from night blindness b/c I
was constantly taking his picture, at last count I had 109, but someone I barely know on FB told me how much she was going
to miss seeing his pictures as they brightened her day.
A beautiful woman I didn’t know sent me an email that said:
“We don't know one another, Kim, but I heard about what
happened today from my guy. We were both so devastated by the news. Honestly, I
haven't a clue what you must be going through, it is so unspeakably horrific,
but I wanted you to know how many people are thinking of you, and aching for
you. What a dear, sweet boy you had. What an unimaginably horrific thing you've
I hope, as time passes, that the joyful memories will cast their shadow on the
darkness of this moment, and begin to obliterate it - that you will feel the
sheer brilliance, gift and light of his life.... more than the loss of it. He
must have been like a shooting star.... so bright, so fleeting, so memorable
For the first time in my life, I am without a pet. I lost both my dog and cat
within a month of one another last summer. My life is a bit too topsy turvy
right now to consider bringing another furry member into the family.... but....
there is a huge hole that I know can only be filled with a great dog. For some
of us, they are a must, aren't they? I am so glad that he brought you such
great joy, and am equally filled with great sorrow for your terrible loss.
Bless you, Kim.
She has written me three or 4 times, and even shared the note she wrote when her dog died. I
don’t even know where she lives, but her note was one of the first I received.
How incredible that Jackson’s smile crossed so many miles, and found a place
with someone I do not know.
At last count 205 people
have signed up to support the cause for “Jackson’s Law”. That’s a little more
than 1/5 of our initial goal.
Jackson + Life= Love x People/Jackson= More
Today, Jon and I are going to pack up Jackson’s 12
toys, 2 dog beds, 2 collars, and 20 shirts and sweaters and we are going to pick out stone tiles to
lay upon his grave, we think 4 12x 12
squares should do it.
And we will cry. We won’t be able to count the tears.
Still, I find the smallest comfort knowing that I have learned
so many things from Jackson, we have…the lessons he taught me will never leave,
but he managed to do what no math teacher ever could and that was simplify.
Until Jackson I never knew that “the
essence of mathematics is not to make simple things complicated, but to make
complicated things simple”….and he did just that...he made life simple proving that in the end “ the love you take is equal to the love you make” ....and that is one math equation I can figure out.
Kim Thore, May, 2011